


Then She Came

by MmF



Category: Les Schtroumpfs | The Smurfs
Genre: Engagement, F/F, F/M, M/M, Nonbinary Character, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-19
Updated: 2016-12-18
Packaged: 2018-09-09 16:41:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8899912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MmF/pseuds/MmF
Summary: This was written about 3 years ago when i was in the deepest funk of my high school years. It's just a collection of loosely connected one shots. It's pretty queer and depressing, but I still consider it to be one of the best things I've written so I hope you'll enjoy. The smurfs fandom needs more gay, trans, and angsty fanworks.





	1. Wonderings

"Y'know, in the library I'm alone a lot. I have a lot of time to myself. So, I think a lot and I get to thinking about things like… death and stuff. And I think what would it be like if I died? What would everyone do, ya'know.

"Sometimes my mind starts to make up all sorts of stuff and sometimes I… hallucinate. Sometimes I get this feeling in my chest and I feel like I gotta get my heart out. Like actually take it out and look at it. And there's blood everywhere. And my heart, it's filled with all this black stuff. It's all oozing out of it and getting all over my hand and it looks all sick. And I try to clean it out, but it's just getting everywhere and it keeps coming out and I'm feeling all sick. And then I just drop it and I go. I leave the room and when I get out everything is back to normal. My chest is all fine and then there's no more mess. Now it's happening a lot. I get that feeling a lot. I never really talked about it with anyone.

"Sometimes I… I get a feeling. It's a feeling like, I wanna die. And it's real powerful like I just wanna leave. And it gets hard to breathe and I start to panic and. And it feels kinda good. I kinda like feeling that way. Not all the time, but sometimes. It feels like sometime big is happening to me and I like it. It's, happening a lot now, too."

Brainy trails off finishing his speech and Scaredy sits tense, his head full of all sorts of imagery. His cover pulled all the way up to his chin and staring wide-eyed at the ceiling, though it's too dark to see anything. Brainy keeps sitting on the chair next to the bed and thinks to himself about what he just said. They both wonder if Brainy should have come over at all. Then, Brainy finally gets up and get in the bed. He gets under the covers and is hesitant for a moment, then starts to ask, "Hey. Can… can we, ya'know."  
Scaredy confused for a second catches on to what Brainy is alluding to and says, "Oh, uh, yeah, we can, yeah, it's fine." He shifts to his side and Brainy scouts forward fitting their bodies together. He slips his hand around Scaredy's side and drapes his hand across Scaredy's chest. He sort of nuzzles his nose into Scaredy's neck and Scaredy breathes out a content, comfortable sigh. It's been a long time since he's done this. The last time was with Hefty when he was having one of those identity episodes. Cuddling was definitely helping his calm down from that tense feeling.

He wondered Smurfette and Dirge where up to. They were probably still awake, so prone to doing all-nighters nowadays. Probably listening to that noise music, working on that book of theirs. They've been working on it for the last 4 months and won't let anyone know what it's about. Except for Brainy, probably. Those three spent all day together, especially after they all moved in with each other. There are rumors everywhere that they have a poly relationship going on and they're probably right. Smurfette and Dirge are so blatantly affectionate in public and they're always quietly sharing inside jokes with each other. Anyway, people are happy for them, if they're not jealous. Both Dirge and Smurfette are very sought after girls, being the only ones in the village, and they've been spending all their affection on each other and Brainy of all people. No one would of guessed it.

Then he started thinking of before Dirge came to the village. You wouldn't notice it if you weren't a people watcher like Scaredy, but Both Smurfette and Brainy where a lot more quiet than in the past. When Smurfette was alone she never smiles like she used to. She often had a far off look in her eye even around others. She still tried to put on a happy front for everyone, but as time went on she started faulting more and more. He didn't think most people noticed. Maybe Papa, but not everyone was so keen on picking up on other peoples' emotions, unless it was so blatant. Maybe she was starting to think like Brainy. Think about her place in the community. She was really just there to socialize and keep other people happy. It was kind of a shallow job. She tried to help when people did group projects, but people would often discourage her, telling her that she would get hurt or get her dress dirty. Often treated like she was so delicate. She was strong and caring, he knew that from all the times he had episodes and she spent the night with him, making sure he ate every meal, asking how he was doing at least once every day. She served and important purpose, but people didn't value her that much and that might have been getting to her.

Brainy never lived a happy life. Constantly bullied and shot down. Sure he was a bit of a stickler and a smart ass, but that was just how he was. But people hated him. Whenever he came into a room or came to a game of sock ball people would roll their eyes saying, "Oh, look who came to spoil the party." It was a group mentality thing. Hefty would often be one to start it, and then others would join in. Then people started doing it on their own, trying to be funny and impress others. Brainy was the go to punching bag and, in Hefty's place, literally. So many broken glasses and black eyes and busted lips.

He hated to admit it, but he found him rather attractive when he was really messed up. Despite his fear of blood he really admired bruises and cuts. Sometimes he considered telling him, sometimes to maybe cheer him up about the situation, but then he reconsidered, not wanting people to think he's more of a freak than they already think.

People often laughed when Hefty punched him interrupting one of his lectures, thinking he was putting him in his place, but when he got knocked out people were less jovial. When people laughing told Brainy to get up and brush it off, then him not moving, it disheveled people, made them uncomfortable. Slight guilt invading their minds for laughing at a serious injury. Especially when he got a concussion. Then there was just awkward silence when he walked into a room. People wanted to talk to him even less. Maybe for the better, he had massive migraines when he got concussions. He had a little peace for a while, but eventually things when back to normal with the bullying. Papa sometimes called people out when things got a little vicious, but never punished anybody, or tried for a long term solution. It was almost like he thought Brainy deserved it, which was a little unnerving. When he saw it, it made him feel less safe. Brainy was suffering and everyone thought it was hilarious.

Then Dirge came along. It was out of nowhere, a fully grown woman just moving in. It was a huge event. Everyone wanted to meet her. Builder immediately started a house for her. There was a big celebration. Being reunited with a long lost sister excited everyone. It might be overwhelming to most people, but she was very stoic woman. Often keeping a neutral expression and straight posture she would give monotonous and blunt answers to questions. At first she seemed boring, but that was because people didn't understand her subtle, and sometimes dark, humor. To most people she was a blank slate, but if you pay attention she is very expressive and empathetic. It wasn't long until people started pining after her like Smurfette. She would get Smurfettes and cards from secret admirers, and she would do her best to respect their affection, but never returned such love.

For a long time she wasn't very close to anybody. She would spend a lot of time with Papa learning the ways of our village, and rarely participated in games. She spent lots of time in Papa's hut and in the library, so the first person she really developed a friendship with was Brainy. She was very well learned from all of her time out in the world and shared a love of books and knowledge with him. Brainy was so excited when she reached out to him and talked about science and chemistry to him. He never really had anyone like that in his life. In fact he was noticeably brighter throughout the day. But the harassment still happened.

One day Dirge and him where out hanging around and watching the others playing sock ball when Hefty and some others approached them. They were really pushing him that day and Brainy, who usually kept to himself while this happened spoke out and told Hefty to fuck off. Hefty was over there in milliseconds, but Dirge was faster. In a moment Hefty was on the ground stomach down with Dirge's boot on his neck. And of course Papa came around at that moment and saw nothing but him on the ground. Papa's trust in her being a good member of the society was already depleted somewhat with her reluctance to participate and often spending whole days to herself, but this revoked her reputation even more.

After that Dirge decided to act a little more friendly with the other villagers. She sat with people during lunch, made her jokes more apparent and simple, but not too much, and tried sports. She was very good at sports actually and her team always seemed to win making her a desirable teammate. Her new friendly aura attracted the attention of a certain villager. The only other woman in the village, Smurfette. At first she was interested, but intimidated by Dirge. Now she had the courage to talk to her. And seeing Dirge talk to for the first time was a sight to see. When Dirge realized she was talking to her she immediately brightened up. She was excited and delighted that Smurfette finally branched out to her and completely ignored everyone else for the rest of the day. She treated her like a queen and they became fast friends. He wondered why Dirge didn't talk to Smurfette before, but he guessed it might have been because of a customary thing for where she was from. Or just another of her odd ways.

Brainy started stirring and shifted his position, but still asleep. It pull Scaredy from his thoughts a bit and he came back to the real world for a bit. He liked to go on long tangents in his head, especially at night, to distract him from his fears. He liked to deconstruct other people the best he could. Understanding people like that made him less nervous about talking to other people.

After that Dirge and Smurfette spent a lot of time together. They went almost everywhere together. It also made Dirge talk to other villagers more often, at least while Smurfette was there. She still had Brainy around, too. The three then became a small friend group that often traveled in their pack. It didn't happen immediately, but eventually it was apparent to everyone. They even started to sleep over at each other's houses, switching up every night. People do sleepovers around here, but not every night like those three do, at least not like tonight with Brainy. But Dirge and Smurfette were at Smurfette's doing god knows what. They're always working on projects, both not really assigned to a specific task. Though, Scaredy's not either. They both make drawings and painting, write stories, make music, and make new teas. When they make something they're proud of they love to showcase it. Either they mail it to everyone or have a performance. They often collaborate with Miner and Painter on projects dealing with their specialties. Sometimes they'll even do private shows. They'll invite only a few people and share what they have often at a campfire out of town. Private shows are sort of a big thing around here now. People like to show off their invitations around town.

Thinking about it they are all brighter and happier since Dirge came. Well, maybe not completely. They're all still depressed Scaredy can tell. But they're getting better.

They're helping each other now.

They must be in love. There's really no other option.

Brainy shifted again, seeming half awake. Scaredy decided to take a plunge. "Hey, Brainy. Are you awake?."

"Huh? Yeah," he said groggily.

"Do... do you love them?" He finally got out after a while.

Brainy hesitated a moment, either think about his answer or processing the question, Scaredy couldn't tell.

"Um, yeah. I think I am. We are."

"Oh," is all he could really think up to say. He was thankful that that went well. It could have been a train wreck if he was wrong.

Then his thought process trailed off, his story pretty much over. He still felt awake and he was starting to think about what might be lurking in his house. Dirge taught him a protective spell to keep out bad energies and daemons, but he was still worried, what if he did it wrong? He backed up further into Brainy and pulled the covers up a little more. He was having a little trouble staying on the twin sized bed with Brainy in it, too. He shifted around without anything to think about, his focus completely lost, and finally decided to get up and go to his safe place. Brainy moaned in discomfort when he left, but quickly curled back up and drifted again.

His safe place was his Closet. He didn't have many clothes, just some baggy sweaters. He had a lamp in his closet that lit up the entire little room. He had a little cassette player that Dirge gave him and a few cassettes to play. He put on Hatful of Horrow by The Smiths and skipped to his favorite track, This Charming Man. He listened to the flowing melody and curled up into the corner. He knew he wasn't getting any sleep tonight, like so many nights and he resigned to his fate. The clock next to his bed had said 3:47 AM and the sun would be up in a few hours. Scaredy liked the dawn. It was the most peaceful time of the day. Everything was covered in a pale blue and the world was quiet. That was the one time of day he truly felt safe being outside. He stepped outside.

There was no one to bother him because everything had either not woken up yet or was going to sleep. Sitting down and smelling the dew was therapeutic for him. He imagined all of the negative energy leave him and then be filled with positive light. Of course it doesn't last forever. People start to wake up around 7 AM and the sun rises. He falls back into the routine of being fearful of every noise, the negativity filling him back up. Around 7:30 Brainy stumbled outside looking for him. He smiled and walked to him over sitting down next to him.

"You left last night."

"Yeah, sorry. I couldn't get to sleep."

"That's okay, really."

They sat in silence for a bit watching people get around to their work. Then Scaredy spoke up, "Sorry for asking that last night. It was really intrusive. I really shouldn't ha-"

"It's okay. I understand. I thought it's been really apparent lately. We just don't say it out loud a lot."

More silence. Brainy looks off and looks like he's thinking and gets up.

"Better go report to Papa and start the day. Thanks for letting me stay the night."

"Of course. Bye."

He walks off and Scaredy is left to go about his day. He stands up and sees Smurfette and Dirge walking towards Painter's house holding a big binder of papers. Looks like there's going to be an art gallery soon. They're laughing and smiling and Scaredy smiles. It makes him feel a bit safer knowing that people like that can still be so happy.


	2. I've lost faith in myself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brainy and Smurfette have a talk

"I've lost faith in myself"

Smurfette wasn't doing any work in the village at the moment. She was assigned painting Painter's fence and they got the job finished early and she decided to go on a walk. She waved to people and exchanged pleasantries sometimes, but didn't really stop to talk to anyone. She was walk past the mess hall when she noticed Brainy drawing in a sketchbook on the front steps of the hall. She wasn't very close to him except for half-heartedly defending him when the guys picked on him, but she didn't talk to him directly often. She walked over to see what he was drawing. She sat next him and he didn't look up, too busy working on his project. It was a picture of her.

"Whatcha drawing?"

"Oh nothing, I was trying to draw people in the village. This is you."

"It looks really good."

"No it doesn't," he said bluntly. He kept working on getting the shape of her face to look natural. Smurfette was a bit taken back by the sudden statement. It really didn't look that bad to her.

"I think you're doing great. I think you should have a little faith in yourself."

After a moment he responded, "I don't have faith in myself."

Now she was really taken aback. He said it so assuredly, like it was an obvious statement. She sat for a little longer, watching Brainy continue to work on her, sometimes looking at her trying to get the shape of her nose. Eventually Hefty and a few of the guys came over and called her to come and hang out. She said bye to Brainy and went over to them.

She laughed and acted normal with them, but she was still thinking about what Brainy said. What did he mean by that? What did it mean to have faith in yourself in the first place? She guessed believing that you can do your job, in a way. His job was mostly helping Father in the lab. He studied all the time and he tried whenever he could to help spread that knowledge. But most of the time he came across as a smart ass. People really hated it when he spoke up and that was one of the main reasons he was picked on. Maybe he was starting to give up? Like he didn't think he could do his job, at least not well. It was a sad thought and it made her furough her brow.

"Hey, Smurfette, why the long face?"

"Oh, nothing. I was just thinking about sometime else. It wasn't important." She continued to have fun with her friends and pushed it to the back of her mind.

Later, During lunch, Smurfette was looking for a place to sit. She considered sitting with Hefty again, but then she saw Brainy sitting by himself. It looked like Clumsy was doing something else that day. She walked over and sat down. He looked up at her a little confused, but accepted her quickly.

"Hey, I've been thinking about what you said the other day."

"What?"

"Outside the mess hall. You said that you 'lost faith in yourself'. I was kinda wondering why you said that."

Brainy stopped eating. He had completely forgot about that. He mentally slapped himself, regretting saying that.

"I, well, it's kind of complicated. And it's not important. I just- I was having a bad day and Grounchy was being a jerk, so," he trailed off. It wasn't the answer she was looking for.

"It was a pretty heavy thing to say. Are you sure nothing else is going on?" Brainy was getting visibly uncomfortable now and shifted in his seat.

"Well, it's just, it feels like people have been kinda meaner nowadays. They seem to get upset before I even say anything, even when it's not advice. And in the lab, I've been doing worse and worse and I don't know what I'm doing wrong. It's been happening for a while, but I feel like I've just realized it. I admit it was kind of melodramatic to say that. Sorry."

Well, that was quite the confession. She processed it for a second and said, "I'm sorry. I didn't realize it was getting so bad. I mean, I see the guys mess with you all the time, but I kind of assumed that you were fine with it, like you were used to it." She was starting to feel guilty now, feeling like she could have done something to stop this.

"It's not your fault; it's just something that's happening. It's mostly my fault. I'm kind of mean myself, even. I go around treating people like dirt for doing something wrong and I go around asking for it. I'm trying not to now, but it's hard changing yourself like that."

She wanted to offer words of comfort, but she couldn't think of anything that wasn't tacky. She just nodded her head staying quiet. They ate in silence for the rest of lunch until the bell rang to wrap up and go back to working.  
"Hey, thanks for listening to me. It's really nice to talk about things like that, to get it out in the open."

"No problem! If you need to talk some more you can always come to me," she said, genuinely wanting to help. They went their separate ways. She felt a little better knowing more about the situation, but she was still worried for him. They both felt a little closer after that.


	3. Scaredy rarely slept

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scaredy is a fascinating little smurf isn't he

Scaredy rarely slept. He mostly ran on paranoia and coffee. Though he was having therapy with Dirge he had a majorly hard time communicating with people. Trusting others was nearly impossible for him. There were only a few people he could have a conversation with without having a breakdown. And that was just with actual people. He was a heavy believer of the supernatural. He didn't rely on lucky charms or acts that much, but believed in monsters, especially ones that he couldn't see. He constantly carried around his cassette player with him since Dirge gave it to him. It was his comfort item along with his favorite sweater. It was made of cotton with a pattern of earthy green, yellow, and maroon. It was worn and falling apart. The elbows were wearing through and it didn't see many washings, but he loved it. It made him feel safer. He carried around Meat is Murder by The Smiths, who was his favorite band, but he mostly played This Charming Man. It was nice at first, but after so many listens other people got sick of the song. He constantly had it playing, at least loud enough for him to hear.

He had an affinity for coffee. He never put sugar or milk in it, preferring it black. Father said he really shouldn't drink it because he already had enough paranoia, extra caffeine wouldn't help him at all. But he liked staying up and the coffee helped. His dreams were often obscure nightmares, filed with odd symbolism and other people in the village. He'd spent many nights just listening to his cassettes alone in his closet with all the lights on in his small house. But he's had more sleep overs lately. Dirge, and now Smurfette, likes companionship when they sleep, and they like to look out for him. They've spent many nights staying up with him, talking through the night trying to distract him from the phantom growls he hears outside. He feels like it's really helping, at least he has somewhere to go when he feels especially desperate. He smiles more often, and actually goes to events, at least during the day.

Dirge promises that as long as he's near her he's safe. He's seen her black magic, fighting off other devious faerie folk who seek to disrupt they're peaceful lives. She's become a sort of protector of the village. At first people were wary of her, especially with her black magic, but after proving herself many times the people of the village have come to trust her. She acts so calm and gentle around him, smiles at him, and listens to his worries and fears. She offers to make sure his fears are looked into and tries to prove that there's nothing to worry about, without insulting him. He knows she's kind, even when she has her fits of rage she tries her hardest to never hurt anyone. She's used her magic to intimidate people like Jokey, the prankster, and Grouchy, the roughhouser, but she would never harm anyone.

He watches people, when he's sure no one is looking. He listens to conversations when no one gives him a moment's notice. He's well learned of the town gossip, but it doesn't dampen his worry that other people hate him. He has a fear of disappointing people. He feels like he does because he often doesn't have the energy to help around the village. He doesn't have an expertise like others do. He has no close friends. He feels like he can't do anything right and it's a vicious cycle, further hurting him. But lately, with Dirge, Smurfette, and Brainy all reaching out to him, he's feeling like he's doing something. If he can at least be a good friend then maybe he can be of use. Maybe he can be worth having around.


	4. Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scaredy and Dirge have a talk

“Sometimes I wanna be a girl”

Scaredy and Dirge sat on the small, dirty couch in the greenhouse, damp from the mist. The apprentice sat on the other end and looked up slightly interested in the conversation, but more interested in her cigarette.

“Yeah? Well, then you can be a girl. You don’t have to do anything, you just have to be it. I guess you go around and let people know, but that’s your choice.”

“I don’t wanna be a girl all the time, just sometimes.”

“Then you can be a girl sometimes. Then be a boy sometimes. Then be nothing sometimes. It’s whatever you wanna be.”

“Just like that?”

“Yeah. You could tell people today you feel like a girl and today I feel like a boy. And today I don’t feel like anything.”

“Ok. I guess I feel like a girl today.”

“Ok then, you’re a girl today.”

They sit quiet for a second, Dirge taking drags from her cigarette.

“Can you make me a skirt?”

“Sure, what kind do you want?”

“A long one.”

“I was looking for more the fabric and style.”

Scaredy just shrugged. Dirge smiled and did a quick snort out her nose. Then Smurfette came out of the psychic’s room with the psychic close behind.

“That was cool! She told me all about the guys’ creepy fantasies. I’m totally gonna make fun them. Those losers.”

The psychic said, “Who’s next?”

“Hefty and Tracker have been outside talking and Hefty hasn’t gone yet. I have no idea where Brainy is,” Dirge said.

They went out and got Hefty for his reading and Tracker sat down next to Scaredy and held her hand. Scaredy put her head on his shoulder and smiled.


	5. Engage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lovers in paris (for some reason)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was kind of a human au type chapter so thats why they are in paris. idk what i was thinking, its been 3 years.

We were getting married. It was a night in a penthouse apartment overlooking Paris. Everyone was there doing their own thing. Brainy was giving his affections to Hefty. Vanity was dancing for Dreamy, sometimes coming so close to touching him but pulling away at the last second. Scaredy and Tracker were sitting together quietly taking about sweet nothings.

And then there was us. Dancing out on the terrace and laughing. She was telling me how beautiful I was, how I made her fell alive like she’s never felt before. It was a cool night and the nightly fireworks were going off, lighting up the sky and illuminating our faces in so many bright colors. She said she wanted to be with me forever and I said ‘why not? Why can’t we be forever together?’

‘Are you suggesting we get married?’ she said almost jokingly, but with a hint of hopefulness.

‘Maybe I am, maybe I’m not’. She laughed and I laughed and she swung me down to the floor and looked in my eyes. Our noses brushed and I looked at her and I felt so euphoric that I felt like bursting.

She swung me back up and pulled our bodies together and her face straightened. With a serious but light expression on her face she asked ‘Smurfette, do you want to marry me?’

I smiled and laughed for a moment, then softened and said ‘Why not?’ I laughed with glee and started bouncing on the balls of my feet and turned to the others. ‘Why not!’ I said, ‘Let’s do it. I want to do it.’

Vanity stopped trying to woo Dreamy for a moment and said, ‘What are you going on about now?’

‘I want to get married!’ I almost shouted, ‘Were getting married!’

Now Brainy looked up and with a neutral look of non-belief said, ‘Right now?’

I giggled and said, ‘Not now, but I am. I’m getting married.’ I was over flowing with joy now, almost dancing.

Dirge looked on and with a look of love on her face said, ‘Not now. I want a celebration. Let’s have an extravagant wedding. We’ll have an autumn wedding when the leaves start falling.’

I looked over to her with brow furloughed, but with a smile and said, ‘No, we’ll have a spring wedding! When all the flowers bloom and the sun starts shining.’

Vanity chucked, with his patented smoothness, said, ‘If you argue like that you’ll be engaged for years, like Grouchy and Greedy.’

There was a feeling of group love in the air and everyone felt it. I was dancing on my own feeling euphoric at the new change of events and Dirge looked on with love in her eyes. Love was in the air and as everyone was with their closest mates the scene felt like it would last forever.


	6. Brainy Lay Motionless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The climax of the story.

Brainy lay motionless, staring up at the ceiling with a blank expression on his face. A thin sheet was pulled up to the middle of his chest with his arms over it, at his sides. His legs, arms and chest were covered in Neosporin and bandages. They stung but he didn't let the pain bother him. He caused them after all; he wanted this to happen.

Damn. Damn it. Damn it damn it damn it. 

He was filled with rage and frustration. He had a black eye forming. That dinner he had an escalated fight with Hefty and pushed him. Hefty immediately punched him in the left side of his face, knocking him back over a table, on to people's food. Hefty was in rage. He was shouting; going on rant on all the reasons he hated him, all the reasons he was worthless, the worst smurf in the whole god damn village. Five people had to hold him back to stop him from destroying Brainy.   
He got out of there as soon as he could. He ran all the way to his house, arrived breathless and angry. He went inside and slammed the door. He was relentless. He was kicking the walls, knocking over desks, and cursing his head off. He was livid, at Hefty and at himself. He didn't want to show it there but everything he said struck home. It was too much he could take. After ten minutes of screaming his rage was fading, being replaced by another feeling. A feeling of helplessness, like he needed to let something out. He looked around with tears in his eyes and on the floor he spotted it. The little wooden box he kept his razor in. He was trying, trying so hard to stop, but he couldn't throw it away. He knew when he went over to pick it up he knew it was a bad idea, but he felt like he had to. He had to do something. He felt desperate. He took the box and went to the bathroom. He stripped down to his underwear and sat down on the toilet. 

He took the blade out of the box and looked at his legs for a moment. They were completely covered in scars from previous sessions. The top parts of his arms were also peppered in fading scars. Tears fell onto his lap as he made the first stroke. Fast and precise, the cut appeared like magic and little beads of blood grew, like little flowers blooming. He quickened his pace, cutting rhythmically and systematically. He was getting blood all over his hands as he kept crying, sobbing and messing up his strokes. He wiped his face and got red on his face, warm and sticky. They stung at first, but then faded into a warmth, like a heated blanket. He finally came to his hip and switched sides, starting at the knee on the left side of his hip. He had less control over his left hand and the cuts weren't as precise. Blood was rolling down to the floor now, making a mess everywhere, but he didn't care right now, he was too busy trying to distract himself from this feeling. He was almost completely immersed in what he was doing when there was a knock on the door. He couldn't answer like this, nor did he want to.

"Go away," he shouted, obviously crying, "I don't want to talk to anyone now."

"Brainy, please, it's Hefty. I'm sorry," taken aback by how Brainy sounded, "I want to apologize. I took it to far. Please let me in!"

Brainy was filled with anger now, half blind and missing cuts, "Get away from me! I don't want anyone!" he said between sobs.

Hefty was really worried now. He needed to see what was wrong. The door was unlocked so he came in. "Brainy, please, I really am sorry. Where are you?"

"Get out!" He almost sounded unnatural.

Hefty went to the bathroom door and opened it. He was immediately filled with shock at what he saw. Brainy had moved to the far corner on the floor and was rocking back and forth. The floor was smeared with blood. Brainy had cuts all along his legs and ones on top of his arms. Hefty was breathless, then he panicked.

"Brainy, what did you do?"

Brainy didn't answer; too busy crying to say anything.

"Get away!" He was panicked, too. He grasped the blade tighter and started making cuts on his wrist, a place he never touch before. Hefty rushed over before he could do much more damage and took the razor out of his hands, throwing it at the wall. Brainy was too weak from the blood loss to stop him and completely let himself to sobbing. Hefty picked him up, getting blood all over his leather jacket and rushed him out the door. He had to get to Papa immediately. He was so scared. Scared for Brainy's live and scared because he made this happen. He screamed for Papa all the way to his house, drawing the attention of some smurfs getting ready for bed. Brainy now was far too weak to do much of anything, going limp in Hefty's arms. It only made him run faster.  
Finally he made it and started kicking on the door in place of knocking. Papa arrived at the door quickly and after a second of shock, ushered them in. He got to work washing and covering up Brainy's wounds and Hefty tried his hardest to help, trying to deal with the fact that this happened and he was the cause of it. Brainy was half asleep through most of it and by the time they got him into the bed he was dead asleep. Papa said that Brainy needed rest, but Hefty insisted on staying. Hefty was soon asleep himself, in the chair next to Brainy's bed.

When Hefty woke up Brainy had already been awake for an hour. It was early, about 7 in the morning. Brainy was thinking. He was thinking about how angry he was. He was a survivor, but not one he wanted to be. He was an attempted suicide survivor. It was embarrassing. It made him want to just fade away and have everyone forget that he ever existed. Even if he killed himself after this he would still be the guy that failed the first time. Then he noticed Hefty was waking up. He had mixed feelings about Hefty right now.

"Do you regret it?"

Hefty put his head up.

"What?"

Brainy stayed quiet. He just lay straight, looking up at the ceiling. His glasses were laying on the table at the side of his bed.

Hefty thought for a moment and said, "I don't regret it. Saving you, that is." He thought for a little more and said, "But I regret hurting you. I just- I didn't know. I didn't know it was that bad."

Brainy didn't react. He was set on not showing any emotion. There was a silence for a while, then Hefty asked, "Did- are you- how do you feel about me taking you here? Are you angry or-"

"Both," he said in a monotonous voice.

Papa came in and saw that they were both awake. He walked over and said, "Ok, I'm going to go get Smurfette and Dirge. They need to know what happened, ok Brainy."

Brainy closed his eyes and exhaled. Thus was the worst part. He tried ignoring it, but he was going to have to face it eventually. Dirge's disappointment, she had so much faith in him, she was proud of him. Smurfette's shock, she's never gone through something like this before. Facing them would fill him with so much guilt it made the whole ordeal even less worth it.

Papa left before getting a response from him and they were left alone. Hefty pulled his chair closer to Brainy's bed. He reached out and took Brainy's hand. He didn't object so they just stayed like that for a while.

It was early morning, but Smurfette and Dirge were already up. Their long hair was messy and tangled and Dirge's make up was smeared all over her face. They made coffee and were trying to get out of the morning funk, telling each other stupid jokes. They were in the middle of a laugh when they heard a knock at the door. Dirge got up while Smurfette was still laughing.

Tracker and Scaredy were sitting out to the side of Papa's house. Close to the door, but just out of sight. They were hanging around outside when they saw Hefty run by towards Papa's place, so they followed him. By the time they got there he was already inside, so they waited outside for him. When the sun was just coming up and Scaredy was in the middle of meditating when Papa came out of the house and walked off, completely missing them. They promptly stood up and went inside. Brainy looked over to the door opening and brightened a bit when he saw Scaredy, but remembering the situation he was filled with dread. Scaredy and Tracker walked to the side of his bed unoccupied. Tracker reached out to touch his bandages, that were due for changing. Scaredy piped up and said in a low tone, "Are you dying?" as if it were a completely commonplace question. Brainy just shook his head, not saying anything. The two sat on the floor and continue to listen to music like they were before.

Papa came in quickly followed by the girls. They both rushed to Brainy and took his other hand. Smurfette was tense and had a look of disbelief. Dirge just looked frustrated. She was obviously, but didn't say anything. Papa was annoyed at the other two being there. He wanted to keep this on the low down.

"Ok, you six need to keep quiet about this. We don't need the entire town knowing about this and causing an uproar. Plus we need to respect Brainy's privacy."  
Everyone silently agreed and went back to what they were doing.

Smurfette lost some of her innocence. Dirge lost some faith in herself. Scaredy found something in common with him and Brainy. Tracker saw a new way to deal with pain. Hefty was a changed man. And Brainy was full of regret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote an epilogue for this but im ashamed of it. you can read it if you find it on ffn.


End file.
